Heartache

Loss is hard. So hard. A month and a half ago we learned that we were expecting baby #4. A total surprise, but happiness overtook us. We were tickled. Rob smiled so big. A mini van was bought, plans were evolving for nursery furniture and shared bedrooms, a midwife was hired. I was elated to finally be planning for the home birth I always wanted. Then a little over a week ago the bleeding started and our baby is no more. I've cried many times over the past week. We've talked and are still dealing with our heartache in the way that's most comfortable to us. But the hardest part is telling the people that we had already shared our happy news with. That's hard. They don't know what to say and I prefer to remain private with my grieving. Hard stuff.

This pain hurts. I loved our child even though we never knew exactly who they were. We were so excited which makes it hurt even more. However a verse that almost immediately popped into my head when the bleeding started was Isaiah 55:8-9, "'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,' declares the Lord. 'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.'" I have full confidence that God has a plan and purpose for this heartache, I just don't know what it is yet, nor may I ever fully understand and that is ok. I hope that somehow He is glorified through our suffering.

And yet again I am brought back to one of my all time favorite verses, Romans 8:28, "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."